When a "no" lands harder than expected
A few weeks ago, I received a rejection after a job interview. I had left that interview with mixed feelings, but mostly hopeful.
The role spoke to me. I could see how I would contribute, and where I could make a real difference. The company's culture, as they described it, matched my values almost perfectly.
And yet, during the conversation, something didn't quite fit. What they said and what I picked up in the details didn't fully line up. I noticed the questions arising in me, and I put them aside, the way many of us do when we really want something to work.
Then the "no" arrived. And it hurt more than I had expected.
What a rejection can touch
As a coach, I know that a rejection is rarely only about the thing itself. It can touch something older: Am I good enough? Did I misjudge this?
A rejection comes in many forms. A job application, but also a proposal, a pitch, or an offer you wrote with care. As an independent coach, you are the product, and a "no" can easily feel like a "no" to you.
I recognise this in the people I work with. Many of them, especially high performers and people who have been under pressure for a long time, tie their sense of worth to results and to approval from others. When that approval doesn't come, it can feel like a verdict.
But a rejection is a decision made by someone else, based on their criteria, timing, and priorities. It tells very little about your worth or your capacity.
Your doubts are information
One thing I'm taking from this experience: the questions I had during the interview were not a weakness. They were information.
We often override our own signals when we want something badly. Then, when it doesn't work out, we blame ourselves instead of asking what our intuition was trying to tell us. If you work with stress and exhaustion, this matters: ignoring what doesn't feel right is one of the quickest ways to end up in an environment that drains you.
Allow the disappointment
There is a lot of advice about turning setbacks into growth. I believe in growth, but not in rushing there.
You are allowed to be disappointed. You are allowed to grieve the future you had already started to picture. Making room for that is not self-pity. It's part of how you process what happened, so that you can move forward without carrying it with you.
What resilience looks like
Resilience does not necessarily mean bouncing back quickly. For me, it's the slow return to yourself: to your values, your rhythm, your sense of what you want, and what you no longer want to accept.
It looks like small things. Taking a walk. Talking to someone you trust. Resting without guilt. Writing down what you actually need. Deciding what your next step could be, however small.
Questions to reflect on
If you're dealing with a rejection of your own, you might try these:
- What am I feeling right now, without judging it?
- What did I hope this would give me?
- Which signals did I notice along the way, and what might they have been telling me?
- What do I want to keep, and what do I want to let go of?
- What is one small thing I can do this week to take care of myself?
Where I am now
I'm not fully through it. But I'm thankful for the experience and for having been reminded that I can trust myself a little more when something doesn't feel right.
If you're in a similar place right now: remind yourself that you are not behind, and you are not back at the start. You are on your way.
If you notice that your "being on the way" brings up questions, know that there's space to explore that together. That's exactly where my work begins.